


Is this real?

by nbbucky



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - Mental Institution, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Minor Ruby/Sam Winchester
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-03-09
Updated: 2014-03-08
Packaged: 2018-01-15 02:41:07
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,423
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1288216
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nbbucky/pseuds/nbbucky
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He knows what is real, he knows hunting, knows how to hold a gun, but he also remembers his mother’s face when he was accepted into Stanford. Everything was crashing and smashing in his head. Memories were colliding faces and words mixed together but he knows what is real.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Is this real?

Sam’s first memory is a vivid dream in black and white; a little girl is sitting on a bed with no skin. He wakes up screaming.

The next dream he remembers is in colors. His mother walks into his baby room and is burned alive. He wakes in hysterics and with barely seven year old feet runs through his house into his mother’s room. He tells her the nightmare and she frowns. Mary Winchester knows the possibility of her walking into Sam’s room versus John had been much higher but John was the one to burn that night. After she grieved his death she knew she couldn’t find the demon with two children; she wanted her children to have the childhood she never could. Looking at her youngest in tears on her bed she whispers to Sam that it was only a dream. She wonders how much denial she is in.

At 13 Sam dreams of a beautiful woman with blond hair and a kind smile. He knows that they will never meet. He wakes up with her name on his lips but doesn’t dare say it.

Sam had a color filled dream one night at 15 of a man with blue eyes and brown hair, he didn’t smile the entire dream and while he looked human, he carried himself as something otherworldly and holy. The next Thursday morning Sam wakes up to news that a 19 year old Dean is visiting from college with his boyfriend. The other boy had blue eyes and brown hair. He didn’t smile unless Dean told a joke and the smile was the way his eyes brightened. When Dean thought no one was listening Dean called him ‘my angel’ and kissed him hard.

When Sam tells Mary that he knew the boy from the dream.  
Mary whispered, “ Well, Sam maybe the dreams stay with you because their other universes,” It was obvious she was joking but Sam took it to heart.

After that Sam only had a jumbled sense of existence before waking up in a bed that wasn’t his. Sam kept his eyes shut and tried to remember anything.He remembered his childhood with his father but he also knew he was raised by a single mother. The amount of confusion he felt started an annoying headache that also felt like comfort. The pounding felt like a heartbeat that sounded to power not unlike when he first started drinking demon blood. Wait, Sam had never, would never, demons weren’t even real. His mother told him that as a child when he first started talking about the yellow eyed man that burned his house and father. But Sam knew Ruby, knew her skin, her scent, the taste of her blood. While part of him hummed while thinking of it the rest wanted to throw up. Sam still had not opened his eyes but he could see the light reflected on the skin of his eyelids.  
“Sam. Sam wake up you need to take your pills,” Sam knew the voice. It was the voice that needed him to say yes. The voice who wanted to give him the everything. And hearing the voice caused terror to seep into Sam’s bones along with other unrecognizable feelings. Hearing his voice caused Sam to open his eyes.  
“Good morning sleepy. Its 10 am I think I let you sleep enough. I know you are still new to the place but...”  
“Shut up. What are you doing here.”  
“Sam I’m your Doctor. Remember, I’m Doctor Nick. Your brother sent you to this mental institution because of the episodes you were having. I’m doing the same thing I’ve been doing the past two weeks, making sure you are alright,”  
Some part of Sam told him to run away it was Lucifer for fucks sake but another part of him told him to play it safe. “I was having episodes. Like what,”  
“I’ll tell you after you take your pills,”  
“Fine,” Sam snatched the multicolored medicine and the glass of water away from his ‘Doctor’. He popped them into his mouth and tried to swallow it down with the water. When he swallowed it felt like the pills had combined together and instead of prolonging his inevitable doom were trying to kill him sitting on the all too white bed in a too bright room.  
“There that wasn’t too hard. About the episodes. Well after becoming terrified of Stanford you lived with your brother for a week while experiencing severe hallucinations. You thought you and your brother hunted monsters. Dean ignored it at first but when you nearly attacked an innocent bystander he left you in my hospital,”  
“You own the crazy house,”  
“Sam I would prefer you don’t call it that. Why don’t you get washed up the weekly visiting hours are soon and lunch will be served at half past noon,”  
Nick stood and left the room leaving Sam to ponder on what he had just said. Sam was sure the so called hallucinations were real. He knows what is real, he knows hunting, knows how to hold a gun, but he also remembers his mother’s face when he was accepted into Stanford. Everything was crashing and smashing in his head. He knows what is real, he knows hunting, knows how to hold a gun, but he also remembers his mother’s face when he was accepted into Stanford. Everything was crashing and smashing in his head. Sam walked through his empty room into the bathroom.  
‘Why is everything so plain. At least decorate the place,’ Sam thought as he washed his face to clear his head. The pills that were given to him had stopped his headache but now he had to go face visitors. The only person who would support him in a place like this was Dean and Sam had to prepare himself to face Dean.

Sam was allowed to walk to the lounge alone because no matter how much aggression he felt he held back. Usually, the stares as he walked into the room told him that. He could be wrong, one boy, he couldn’t have been older than 16 looked at him with glossy eyes and a thin line for a mouth. Nervous, cautious and microscopic, the boy looked as if he was trying to disappear into the wall. Sam waved and the boy grimaced, the Sam obviously the boy uncomfortable. Sam turned his head and walked over to the table where Dean Winchester was sitting. 

“Sammy. I... it’s uh.. it’s good to see you again. You know we worry,”  
“We?” Sam couldn’t remember much about Dean other than the obvious love and pride he had for Sam. There was a dream when he was younger but maybe that was a memory. “Oh your angel,”  
The expression on Dean’s face was amusing enough to last his entire stay at this crazy house.  
“Sam, you remember Cas. Anyway he wanted me to bring you some of his pie,”

Dean’s sentence fell on deaf ears, Sam saw himself and Dean sitting Dad’s old car. Sam leaves to buy some things including pie. Dread pooled at the bottom of Sam’s stomach watching himself walk in. Both Sams shouted in defiance when they were attacked by demons. Sam blinked and he saw Dean’s face inches from him. He heard screaming as well. Dean’s lip was busted, the pie was smeared on the floor and guards were standing around them.

“I’m sorry Dean. But you have till leave next week. Sam appears to be going through a relapse,”

“No problem Nick. See you next week Sammy,”

“Dean, tell my brother I say ‘hello’. Also next time bring two pies,” Dr. Nick’s smile seemed calculated and calm as he watched Dean leave.

“Sam,” He turned and leaned down to help Sam off the floor. Sam’s body began to sear from the contact, he let go and fell back to the floor. Everything burned cold. Sam’s face was burning and blistering. Sam glanced up and saw The Morning Star shining in his direction. Lucifer was the brightness of the sun but the cold of a black hole. Lucifer’s light was no longer his own since he fell. His job as the black hole was to steal away all light and heat including Sam. Sam could only feel feverish in his presence. Lucifer was magnificent, majestic and beautiful, all the purity he held as an archangel was torn away from him. Sam was still on the floor when Lucifer bent down to lift Sam. He screams.


End file.
